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This is no ordinary love. [Jul. 24th, 2011|12:25 am]
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Will someone please call a surgeon [Jun. 4th, 2011|04:26 pm]
I wanna move. I wanna change. I wanna job that is bearable and will pay me enough money to live on while I pursue a real career. And when I'm not doing that I want to have the time and energy to run everyday, go to the gym and lie on the beach.

I'm not asking for a million dollars or a trip to Spain. This shouldn't be that hard.
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Where is the light that never goes out? [Mar. 2nd, 2011|03:38 pm]
I literally can't think. The noises and pulses in my head feel like a boiling pot of water. I have my iTunes on random to try to find a song that can soothe this but it nearly impossible. Every emotion is have a death match in my brain right now. I'm happy, sad, angry, nostalgic, tired, bored, anxious and ultimately confused.

A part of me feels that I have worked so damn hard in my life that for once the gate to the easy path should just open as I approach it.

As much as I can think about wanting to go back to days when my biggest problems were bitching about writing a 10 page paper. Yes, life was pretty damn awesome. I was surrounded by people that I might not necessarily have long lasting relationships with, but they were comforting and made the days easier.

I've matured (at least a little) and I feel I'm stronger and more able to handle the curve balls in life but it doesn't mean that I can do it alone. I'm at a point where I'm no longer content on doing the same thing everyday. I want to push myself to work on my passion and to enjoy what I do on a daily basis but it's so friggin hard. It's like running. There is nothing better than the way your mind clears during a run but it's getting those shoes on your feet and stepping out the door.

These moments in life are about lining everything up. The variables in your life and the variables in life itself are perfectly lined up, maybe once in your life if you're lucky.

I believe that getting all this off my chest is a step but I just need the strength and motivation for the following countless steps. But you never know. Maybe tomorrow is the day where everything will align. Maybe you just have to get everything ready in case it is.
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You were my lesson I had to learn, I was your fortress. [Mar. 9th, 2010|10:45 pm]
I used to have this dream very often as a kid. It was dark out, I wasn't in human form. I was just a cloud of pressure. I was waiting in line with other misty forms of pressure and worries and stress. We were all different shapes and size, however we were all standing there waiting for our inevitable death. There were thousands upon thousands of us in this neverending queue. Yet, we were all still alone.

I'll never understand death. I will never be eased about mine. I will not handle it well.
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We'll be hopping around on one foot, looking through one eye [Feb. 26th, 2010|11:08 pm]
Spent the hour and half in traffic figuring out exactly what I was going to say. A shooting star flew by right when I didn't think I could be able to spit out my jumbled thoughts. That star told me I could do it. I had confidence. Then I saw you and it all went away. I don't want to get upset and sappy because I know you don't like that. But I do. I am sappy and passionate and sentimental and we're polar opposites on that aspect. I wish we could meet halfway. But it's not your fault because I can't tell you that. I'd rather everything appear to be ok than to have the fear of it getting worse because I said something. It's not fair to either of us.

I'm gonna spend the entire cruise missing you. Maybe that will give me the strength to come back and speak up.
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If you ask me, I'm ready. [Feb. 23rd, 2010|10:04 pm]
Going on a cruise in a couple days and it's actually perfect timing. I need to get away. Get away from work and love and life and be with myself. I need to think about what I really want and then grow a pair to do something about it.

I'm tired of being polite. I'm tired of giving in to others needs. I have never been one to do something for my sake.

One day I will tell you exactly how I feel and I will wonder why the hell it will take me so long.

Ok, let's move away from the cryptic messages that really mean nothing except to me. Why do we do that on livejournal? I always wondered. Even though anyone who reads this really has no idea what I am talking about, it makes me feel a lot better to get it out. This is why I need more LJ in my life. I'm not learning anymore. I'm not growing. I LJed sometimes 5 times a day in college and I got so much out of it. I will forever wish I could go back to 2003.

PS. Go see Shutter Island. I enjoyed it immensely.
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Jealous glances, now i'm looking for another song on the radio. [Nov. 29th, 2009|02:12 pm]
[Music to my ears |Scissor Sisters]

I feel like I am getting closer and closer each day to being a grown up. I've still got a long way to go though. Which is fine. 30 is the new 20. I'm sure I'll be in debt, working at Whole Foods and living in a crappy apartment for years to come. No sense in fighting it. As long as I am happy. Which is a lot more frequently than years ago.
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(no subject) [Aug. 16th, 2009|12:07 am]
[Music to my ears |Jezebel]

I wish life could just be a bottle of wine with a Sade soundtrack.
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Missing all the cracks in the pavements. [Jul. 20th, 2009|08:29 pm]
[Music to my ears |Adele]

I just wanna go back. Far back. Not to start over and make other choices but to remember what it felt like to be a different person. I don't know what happened to me. I don't remember when I lost my youth. And this happened before I began this relationship. Orlando changed me. Yes I matured, which is good. But I lost a lot of innocence. All of a sudden I became too good to go out dancing and make friends. I lost the ability to make friends and it's scary. With all of my heart I want to stare at the corner of the wall at Art Bar and dance my ass off all night long like it's nobody's business.
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(no subject) [Mar. 14th, 2009|10:29 pm]
[Music to my ears |Bat For Lashes- Daniel]

I LOVE this video. Between the new Yeah Yeah Yeahs CD, the new Bat For Lashes CD and this strange band Music Go Music that I found two amazing songs by, I am totally in love with music right now.

I am watching Grey's Anatomy right now. I don't know why. It's a horrible horrible show. But i still watch it. They need to start killing off people. Same problem as another horrible TV show I used to like. Heroes. They both have too many cast members. Most of which are annoying.

So my mom and my aunt just got a facebook. Not that I am one of those people who update their status every 15 minutes but what's with the sudden obsession?

I keep hoping that starting to write a little more here will help get me really writing again. I love my job only like 25% of the time so I really need to start doing what I want to do with my life.

Oh and I have some free passes to all of the Disney parks. I get to go to each one once with a guest for free. I'm using the magic kingdom and typhoon lagoon tickets with someone but if any of my old friends want to come down to Orlando to hang out and go to a disney park you are more than welcome.
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