|Where is the light that never goes out?
||[Mar. 2nd, 2011|03:38 pm]
I literally can't think. The noises and pulses in my head feel like a boiling pot of water. I have my iTunes on random to try to find a song that can soothe this but it nearly impossible. Every emotion is have a death match in my brain right now. I'm happy, sad, angry, nostalgic, tired, bored, anxious and ultimately confused. |
A part of me feels that I have worked so damn hard in my life that for once the gate to the easy path should just open as I approach it.
As much as I can think about wanting to go back to days when my biggest problems were bitching about writing a 10 page paper. Yes, life was pretty damn awesome. I was surrounded by people that I might not necessarily have long lasting relationships with, but they were comforting and made the days easier.
I've matured (at least a little) and I feel I'm stronger and more able to handle the curve balls in life but it doesn't mean that I can do it alone. I'm at a point where I'm no longer content on doing the same thing everyday. I want to push myself to work on my passion and to enjoy what I do on a daily basis but it's so friggin hard. It's like running. There is nothing better than the way your mind clears during a run but it's getting those shoes on your feet and stepping out the door.
These moments in life are about lining everything up. The variables in your life and the variables in life itself are perfectly lined up, maybe once in your life if you're lucky.
I believe that getting all this off my chest is a step but I just need the strength and motivation for the following countless steps. But you never know. Maybe tomorrow is the day where everything will align. Maybe you just have to get everything ready in case it is.